"Everybody Hates Chris" Everybody Hates Varsity Jackets (TV Episode 2009) - Chris Rock as Narrator

Chris : Man, I would set these sneakers on fire and eat them for a varsity letter.

Narrator : That's how David Blaine got his.
Chris : How am I supposed to get a letter in a sport when I'm terrible at sports?

Greg Wuliger : Maybe there's something a guy like you would be good at.

Chris : I need a sport without water, balls, hoops, hurdles, bats, cleats, clubs, gloves, tracks, fields, weights or boards.

Narrator : Isn't that cheerleading?
Greg Wuliger : [to Chris] How about wrestling?

Chris : I can't wrestle.

Greg Wuliger : Anybody can wrestle. It's just two guys on a mat trying to throw each other down.

Narrator : Or as they call it in Chelsea: "Wednesday."
Julius : [to Rochelle] I work two jobs and you let me leave the house with nothing on my stomach but a fish juice shake?

Narrator : Not cool unless your husband's a shark.

Julius : If this is how you do when you're trying to get skinny, I'd rather have you fat.

Narrator : That's what Kirstie Alley's man said to her.
Rochelle : [when she finds out that she's been wearing Drew's pants by mistake] You mean I've been killing myself to get into a boy's pair of pants?

Narrator : You and Michael Jackson.

Chris Rock: Narrator