I Love You, Man (2009)
Jason Segel: Sydney Fife
Photos
Quotes
-
Sydney Fife : You get home safe, Pistol.
Peter Klaven : You got it, Joben.
Sydney Fife : I'm sorry, what?
Peter Klaven : Er... nothing.
Sydney Fife : No, what did you say?
Peter Klaven : Nah, I don't know... You nicknamed me Pistol, and I just called you... "Joben"... It means nothing... I don't... I'm drunk... I'm gonna call a cab.
-
Peter Klaven : I love you, man.
Sydney Fife : I love you, too, bud.
Peter Klaven : I love you, dude.
Sydney Fife : I love you, Bro Montana.
Peter Klaven : I love you, holmes.
Sydney Fife : I love you, Broseph Goebbels.
Peter Klaven : I love you, muchacha.
Sydney Fife : I love you, Tycho Brohe.
-
Doug : I just wish I could take back that kiss...
Sydney Fife : Woah!
[Looks at Peter]
Doug : ...because now I know it was the taste of betrayal.
Peter Klaven : It wasn't the taste of betrayal!
Doug : It was the taste of betrayal.
Peter Klaven : It wasn't the ta...
Doug : It was the taste of betrayal... you fucking whore!
[Storms off]
Peter Klaven : [to Sydney] I can actually explain that.
Sydney Fife : I would love to hear that!
-
Sydney Fife : Society tells us we're civilized but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out. Try it.
Peter Klaven : Blaaah!
Sydney Fife : Good. Now gently remove your tampon and try again.
-
Sydney Fife : [on phone] Just meet me at Muscle Beach in like... I don't know... half an hour?
Peter Klaven : Muscle Beach. Half an hour. I will see you there or I will see you on another time.
Sydney Fife : That was very confusing. I don't know if you're gonna come or not?
Peter Klaven : No, I'll be there. I'll be there.
Sydney Fife : [laughing] Alright I'll see you then, buddy.
Peter Klaven : Alright. Laters on the menjay.
[Hangs up]
Peter Klaven : What did I just say?
-
Open House Couple : [after trying to discreetly fart at an open house] I like it, but I'm not sure about the space... I'm thinking it might be a little bit small.
Sydney Fife : [Knowing he farted] Totally, and it smells like fart.
-
Peter Klaven : She was very nice looking.
Sydney Fife : Yeah, I fucked her.
-
Peter Klaven : Did you know that the best night I've had in the last 5 years is a night that Zooey and I split a bottle of wine, we made a summer salad and watched "Chocolat" together?
Sydney Fife : You mean "Chocolate"?
Peter Klaven : Chocolat.
Sydney Fife : Chocolate with Johnny Depp.
Peter Klaven : Chocolat.
Sydney Fife : You're not fucking French Pete, it's called "Chocolate".
Peter Klaven : Chocolate's got an 'E' on at the end.
Sydney Fife : That was your favorite night?
Peter Klaven : Yes.
Sydney Fife : Your best night in 5 years is watching "Chocolate" with Johnny Depp? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Peter Klaven : With the combination of wine and summer salad and "Chocolat", yeah!
Sydney Fife : [Quietly] You should be embarrassed.
-
Peter Klaven : I'm Peter Klaven, I'm the Realtor.
Sydney Fife : Hey check out these two. That guy needs to fart.
Peter Klaven : He does seem to be clenching.
Sydney Fife : Watch the leg... Boom!
Peter Klaven : He farted in my open house.
Sydney Fife : He sure did.
-
Peter Klaven : Look man you told my fiancee she needs to give me bloweys, in front of my whole family. Alright you owe me.
Sydney Fife : You make a valid point.
-
Sydney Fife : Zooey, you are about to marry one of the most honest, kind and fun-loving people I've ever had the honor of knowing. The Pistol is a pleasure giver that's for sure. So beautiful Zooey, give it back. Yeah?
[winks]
Sydney Fife : Return the favor. And if you do, I guarantee that you will have a beautiful and pleasure filled union.
-
Sydney Fife : [Nonchalantly] This is where I jerk off.
-
Sydney Fife : I still wanna hang out. Despite that joke. You're better than that.
-
[repeated line]
Sydney Fife : Oh, that was my mother's name...
-
Peter Klaven : So I'm thinking about asking Tevin if he wants in on the Ferrigno house.
Sydney Fife : Dude, I pissed on that guy's face at a Bennigans, you do not need to be splitting commission with that frosty-haired chode.
-
Peter Klaven : I think we should spend some time apart.
Sydney Fife : Okay.
Peter Klaven : So if I actually do wind up having a wedding, its probably best that you... not be there.
Sydney Fife : Yep. Sounds good to me, Pete.
Peter Klaven : And if you could have those billboards taken down...
Sydney Fife : Yeah, yeah, yeah. It will take a few days, but I will get on that. And I'll also make sure you get your money back as soon as possible.
Peter Klaven : Also I think you have my Season 2 LOST DVDs. If you could... If you haven't watched them yet. It's no...
Sydney Fife : [Grabs DVD box] It's fine, Pete. They're right here.
[Throws DVD box]
Peter Klaven : [Catches] Thanks.
Peter Klaven : Its just that Zooey hasn't seen them all yet. She's really curious is to what was going on inside that Hatch.
Sydney Fife : Yep.
Sydney Fife : [Shakes hand] I wish you the very best of luck, Peter.
Peter Klaven : You too, Sydney.
Peter Klaven : [to Anwar] Bye, Anwar.
Anwar Sadat : [Snarls]
-
Sydney Fife : This is the man cave, there's no women allowed in here. I got a jerk-off station for God's sake.
-
Sydney Fife : [about guest that has just farted] Look at him, crop dusting across your open house.
-
Sydney Fife : Wait, you jerked off to a picture of your own girl friend? You - that - wow, that is sick! Oh my God, what is *wrong* with you?
Peter Klaven : What's wrong with that?
Sydney Fife : Pedro, there is so much wrong - I don't even know where to begin... That is sick, man!
-
Peter Klaven : Rush! I love Rush!
Sydney Fife : Dude! Rush is greatest rock band of all time!
-
Sydney Fife : [referring to the condoms at his jerk-off station] I always get this reaction, but the truth is they decrease sensitivity so I can last longer.
-
Peter Klaven : Do you need a plastic bag, or...
Sydney Fife : Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.
-
Sydney Fife : [Imitating Andre the Giant] Anybody want a peanut?
-
Sydney Fife : That open house was understated, it was classy, elegant. I've been to a million of those things, and nobody, *nobody* put out Rosemary Flatbread Paninis. Hold on, my dog needs to shit...
-
Sydney Fife : [Extended Scene] And for the record, I saw Chocolat. Just delightful.
Peter Klaven : It is, right?
Sydney Fife : Yeah. I didn't expect to like it but Johnny Depp is just so versatile and winning.
Peter Klaven : He's the best, he's the best.
Sydney Fife : From Jump Street to Fleet Street, the man is a revelation.
Peter Klaven : Depp wins you over.
Sydney Fife : I hated him in Don Juan DeMarco so much I never gave him a second chance - but this time he's Gilbert Great.
Peter Klaven : You don't think you're gonna like it but then you do because he's so good.
Sydney Fife : You know what I like is that he's willing to discard conventional feelings about how to carry yourself as a movie star and live the way that he wants to.
Peter Klaven : You really get the feeling he does what he wants to do. It's amazing. He was in Platoon. Check out Donnie Brasco.
Sydney Fife : Brasco, my God.
Peter Klaven : I like Ed Wood, too.
Sydney Fife : That guy can act. The combination of the chocolate and his acting, it lulled me into acquiescence.
[Zooey yawns]
Peter Klaven : So many times those romantic comedies with food don't work for me. Like Water for Chocolate.
Sydney Fife : Ah, Como Agua Para Chocolate. I read it in the original Spanish.
Peter Klaven : Big Night's good too. That's another movie with food.
Sydney Fife : Yeah. That's with Joe Mantegna?
Peter Klaven : No, that's Stanley Tucci.
Sydney Fife : He's great. He's an actor's actor.
[Barry sneaks out to take a call]
Peter Klaven : Yeah, I think so too. As is Tony Shalhoub.
Sydney Fife : Yeah.
Peter Klaven : Depp, man. Did you know he modelled Jack Sparrow after Keith Richard? From the Rolling Stone, from Rolling Stones.
Sydney Fife : Same old Pete.
-
Sydney Fife : Trying is having the intention to fail. You've got to scrap that word from your vocab. Say you're gonna do it and you will.
-
Sydney Fife : This is my nightmare!
-
Sydney Fife : Peter, I am a man. I have an ocean of testosterone flowing through my veins.
-
Peter Klaven : [Sydney falls backwards off the couch] Sydney, you all right?
Sydney Fife : My fuckin' ass!
-
[Last lines]
Sydney Fife : I'd just like to make a quick toast.
Peter Klaven : [Grabs Sydney's mic] No!