- Neil: [Harry, wearing a gorilla costume, has startled Neil] Pack it in! Me nerves are still bad from the trick you pulled on me last week!
- Harry Stern: [speaking with a gravely voice] I'm not the police man. Guess who!
- Neil: Harry, will you stop messing about!
- Harry Stern: Ere, wait a minute, wait a minute, how did you know it was me?
- Neil: Hairy armpits.
- Neil: Eh, what have I told you about reading my letters?
- Harry Stern: They're not your letters, Neil, there Ethel's.
- Neil: Oh, what do they say?
- Harry Stern: Private and confidential.
- Neil: Oh, even better.
- Dawn Lodge: [Dawn is handing out presents] There you go.
- Ethel Davis: What is it?
- Dawn Lodge: A hat.
- [pause]
- Dawn Lodge: I'll tell you what else I got...
- Ethel Davis: Earings!
- Dawn Lodge: Marracas.
- Ethel Davis: Oh, that's what Harry keeps telling me: he says 'Ethel, you're crackers'.
- Dawn Lodge: [Dawn has just met Frank Sidebottom] Ethel, if someone's got a very big head, does that mean he get's bigger headaches?
- Ethel Davis: Well that does seem to be what the statistics indicate.
- Harry Stern: Neil, look... for the last time, everything I put in my hands, you keep snatching out of it. You're acting like a raving looney!
- Neil: I'm acting like a raving looney?
- Harry Stern: Yes.
- Neil: You're the one dressed up as a bunny girl!
- [chuckles]
- Harry Stern: Listen here, you. I'm not a bunny girl, right? I'm a rabbit. A rabbit. R.A.B.I. double T, get it? Rabbit!
- Ethel Davis: [during The Sandwich Quiz] What do insects and volcanoes have in common?
- Frank Sidebottom: Eh, they both go to watch football on Saturday.
- Ethel Davis: I don't think that's right... It's an interesting thought, I don't know about that.
- Frank Sidebottom: And I don't want money. I'm not in it for the money.
- Neil: Yeah... no...
- Frank Sidebottom: I just love show business.
- Neil: [turns to camera] Write to him, but don't write here.