Polycarp (2007) User Reviews

I guess I really don't care.

[lastliberal · 4/10 · 27 February 2010]

Sometimes you just want to watch a sleazy B movie even if you are warned that it is really low budget. You just want some serial killer sleaze to watch mindlessly.

Lots of naked bodies, aberrant sex, and gore: all combined to make a film that will never see a theater screen, but will make a good slasher film for the aficionados.

Don't look for anything more, because there isn't anything. No great acting, not even good acting. No storyline that makes any real sense. Things just seem to jump all over the place.

Charles Durning will not be adding to his long list of award nominations with his appearance in this film.

Absolute Balderdash

[feindclub666 · 4/10 · 12 September 2009]

My friend picked this gem up for $9.00 and i must say it was definitely only worth that. It looks promising at first glance of the case, the Canadian version is called "Kinky Killers" and the woman on the cover is practically in bondage. As soon as you pop it in, the menu looks horrible. The opening credits look like they were done in windows movie maker and they take so long to get over with. Then there is the ever so needed gratuitous breast shot, that pretty much make the movie( mind that none of them are nice). The story for this film is, confusing to say the least. One minute people are dying, next there having rough intercourse. By the time you get to the middle the story goes from weird to just completely out of this world. By the time we were nearing the end i said "This title is completely irrelevant " then once you see the final scene it all makes sense. And then everything reaches a point where it's so strange its unexplainable. I think this movie is must see for bad horror movie buffs. Or if you want to see a ton of gratuitous breast shots, pick it up.

Polycarp Kinky Killers...Polycrap

[donchappelear · 2/10 · 31 May 2008]

Lets start with the good, The acting by Beverly Lynne was convincing and entertaining, The lovely Ms. Lynne has really stepped up her game and is showing real talent. Michael Pare always seems to play the same type of character. Strong Willed, rebel, ala Streets of Fire and Eddie and the Cruisers. In this movie he plays a detective and he really goes through the motions but he is the best male actor in the vehicle, Charles Durning must have lost a bet as he seemed comatose throughout the movie.

The bad: The plot, made NO SENSE, Note to production company, if you are going to mention a name like Polycarp EXPLAIN WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! I cant give any spoilers here because the movie never came me a plot. This movie is a waste of time and if not for the aforementioned Beverly Lynne this movie would have been a complete waste of time.

The Ugly: I will never get that 85 minutes of my life back, so when I am in my death bed I will regret all the things I could have done other than watch Megacrap, but at least it will make me think of the beautiful Beverly Lynne and at least that will bring a smile.

Bottom line this not a cult classic, a blockbuster nor is it worthy of B-movie status. It might be shown as a Double Feature with Battlefield Earth...

One of the Worst Movies of All Time

[Billy_Crash · 1/10 · 20 May 2010]

"Polycarp" or "Kinky Killers" was so abysmal I had to abandon the movie. There was just no sense in watching this dreck.

This movie has it all: bad narrative, bad acting, sterile photography, horrendous editing and weak direction.

It's clear Del Vecchio did absolutely no research when it came to police procedure or psychiatry. This not only made for a pathetic and trite story, but one without substance or even the most remote connection to reality.

This had the feel of a very bad made for TV movie written by something with an idea, yet had no sense of story or character. The worst part was seeing both Durning and Pare degrade themselves.

This is easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

Oh God Why Me, Why Me...

[geminate7 · 1/10 · 24 May 2008]

I can't believe I watched the whole thing. Polycarp aka Kinky Killers will bore your senses to death.

You know those movies that look and feel like someone took a pickup truck down to the Sunset Strip and rounded up a bunch of prostitutes and whores, gave them scripts, drugs and money, and then said: NOW ACT! Well, this is one of 'those' movies.

After about two minutes into this cheese-fest, you start feeling like you are watching a really bad porno flick. The directing, the lines, the cast, just give it away that the movie was governed end-to-end by the porn industry.

Then (since they rounded up a lot of prostitutes off of the Sunset Strip), there is that problem where too many characters look alike - white, dumb and blond. You quickly become confused as to which dumb blond is getting hacked on now, but you resign yourself to not really caring since the movie is just so bad.

The story is completely inane. The acting is so bad you can't believe God made people this stupid. There is no Good versus Evil, since everyone in the movie is evil; so does it really matter which evil wins? At the 30 minute mark you get the overwhelming feeling to just stop watching and try something else, but you decide to see it through. Next time remember to not be so heroic. At around 4/5 into the movie it actually does become a dedication to pornography, witchcraft, Satan and sex-magick. Everyone just starts having sex with whoever, I kid you not.

The ending is as bad or worse than the beginning, leaving you with the typical WTF?! puzzlement. With a title of Kinky Killers (which by the way is meaningless) I suppose you should expect something sexual in nature, but this rode right over to the pornography arena in the last 20 minutes making it unfit for children and teens to view.

A polycarp is a talking fish. A polycarp is a plastic fish. Polycarp is short for: polyester carpeting.

Amazingly Terrible

[shonufftx22 · 1/10 · 15 January 2011]

I am sitting here after trying to watch Kinky Killers having to reexamine my trust in IMDb. After about 50 minutes I had to turn it off. I wish I could go back in time and watch paint dry or grass grow, maybe even stick red hot pokers in my eyes. It is written, acted, shot, edited and directed so terribly that I couldn't finish it. The cover and recommendations at the bottom of IMDb appealed to me so I figured why not give it a shot. The cops are over the top tough to the point of being a joke. The "suspects" and lawyers are written to take abuse and act like pricks so the tough cop act will carry but all I could think was WTF every scene. I just can't express how CRAPPY this movie is and I am a horror movie freak and have watch some pretty bad movies but this is over the top bad. Save your money and more so your time and sanity and do something, anything else!

holy s**t - what a waste of time

[catfish-er · 2/10 · 8 December 2009]

I saw KINKY KILLERS on Showtime the other night; and, I thought the title was totally lame, especially given the content. I cannot believe this was rated TV-MA; it should have been R.

The film; and, its corn-ball 70s throw-back plot, just doesn't live up to its potential. The acting is wooden, the plot is twisted, non-sensical; and, drawn out to the point of boredom. Half the cast could have been played by the same person, they look that much alike. There is so much idiocy going on that you cannot tell who is whom; and, what they are doing.

And, what no one can look up "Polycarp" on the Internet... I mean how lame is it that the word is such a mystery?

Everything about this movie is one cliché after another -- the overworked cop, the inattentive spouse, the "renegade cop," the manipulative shrink... oh, what a waste of time.

I could think of better titles for this film

[JoeB131 · 1/10 · 11 May 2008]

Like "Poly-crap" instead of Polycarp. It was released under the title "Kinky Killers".

Do I even want to attempt to do a synopsis? Okay, here goes? A serial killer is going around slaughtering young blonde strippers and removing key body parts, after tattooing them with things supposedly from the bible as interpreted by someone who's never read it. This film was produced by German filmmakers, who obviously think America is full of bible thumping maniacs and thuggish cops.

The hero of the movie I guess is Michael Pare, who has gotten fatter and still can't act his way out of a wet paper bag. Sadder still is the participation of Charles Durning, who really is a good actor, but does three scenes which make absolutely no sense so they can put his name on the DVD cover and trick you into thinking you are seeing a better movie.

The movie ends with the few surviving characters being captured by the cult, who mangle out some explanation about how they are trying to summon Lucifer by boiling human body parts in a vat.

There are a lot of sex scenes in this movie, some of which almost work. Characters are introduced and you don't really know who they are or what they are doing there. You can tell you are almost at the end of the movie because they run out of actors to kill off.

Utter, complete and total crap!

PolyCRAP

[Stevieboy666 · 2/10 · 19 December 2023]

Cops investigate a series of grisly murders in New Jersey, meanwhile a strange cult keep quoting the Book of Revelations in their ceremonies, their intention is to bring about an Age of Lucifer! Straight away we get female nudity and atrocious actors spouting laughably bad dialogue. The picture quality is also poor and cheap looking. In the UK this was released on DVD under the appealing title of "Kinky Killers", the marketing guys did a good job with that but sadly the end product is mind-bogglingly terrible. The word kinky to me suggests exciting but this movie was a tiresome, boring 85 minutes long. I would have scored it 1/10 where it not for some attractive female characters, sex, nudity and a few (cheap) gory moments. And the cops are very unlikable, much sexist language coming from their foul mouths.

Has potential

[TdSmth5 · 6/10 · 11 June 2008]

There is material for a good movie here: a mysterious and brutal killer, smart and gritty cops in search for the killer, pretty girls, nudity, sex, a story based on religion and the occult, yet somehow it all doesn't work.

The story is told from the perspective of no one. Although at first it looks like we'll follow along with the cops. But as soon as you start getting settled, a scene is inserted that makes no sense, with character we don't know and that are not explained. This occurs a lot. There are a bunch of characters that don't seem to serve any purpose, whose dialogue is cryptic in its banality and leaves you wondering why these scenes are there. We meet cops, lawyers, psychiatrists, PhD students, but don't know exactly what their purpose is in the movie. Out of nowhere, the main cop starts quoting long bible passages and there seems to be a religious matter at issue but that doesn't become all that clear until the very end. And it's actually quite surprising the turn this movie takes from slasher film to fantastic occultism. The acting varies, some actors are good others not.

This movie looks good for the most part. The problem is the direction and/or editing that doesn't create a character for the viewers to identify with and follow or, in the absence of that, a story that is transparent yet leaves enough mystery to keep you engaged. The title "Polycarp" is better than the silly "Kinky Killers," a shame that distributors have to dumb down everything and lie in the process: the DVD cover has nothing to do with the movie.