Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Jail (2006)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Mrs. Morello : Class, I have an announcement. We're all going on a field trip to Washington, DC. You just need to have your parents sign your permission slips and sell 30 boxes of cookies to cover the cost of the trip. Chris, if your people can't afford to pay cash, I'll see if we'll accept food stamps.

  Narrator : She acts like it's caviar. It's just cookies. Damn.

• Caruso : [to Chris]  Prepare to sit in the back, Birmingham.

  Narrator : I'd like to sit you under a bus.

• Narrator : It wouldn't be the first time my parents missed something because one of us was sick.

  Julius : I got a coupon for a free dinner!

  Rochelle : Oh, I'm gonna get dressed.

  Tonya : Mama, I have rabies!

  Rochelle : Damn!

  Julius : I got Michael Jackson tickets!

  Rochelle : Oh, I'll call the sitter.

  Drew : Mama, my eye fell out.

  Rochelle : Damn!

  Julius : We just won a trip to Miami!

  Rochelle : Ooh, I'm gonna go get packed!

  Chris : Ma, I think I broke my neck.

  Rochelle : Damn.

• Greg Wuliger : [to Chris]  Dude, you got to pull it together. This is the best field trip all year. I might get to see Tip O'Neill.

  Chris : Who?

  Greg Wuliger : You've never heard of Thomas "Tip" O'Neill?

  Narrator : Not unless he's related to Shaquille.

• Narrator : [after Chris is arrested]  I know I looked cool on the outside, but on the inside, I was doing this.

  Chris : [crying]  I won't do it anymore! I promise! I'm not a thief! I want my mama!

• Tonya : [When Julius makes an oatmeal bath for Tonya to help her chicken pox]  But I don't like oatmeal.

  Julius : You don't have to eat it, girl. You got to take a bath in it.

  Narrator : Then she's got to eat it. My father didn't waste food.