Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats (2004)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Quotes
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Alan : Charlie, let me tell you something. You-you-you can't keep Jake from ever getting hurt, he's a boy. It's... Getting hurt is like his job. Last summer, he... he actually fractured his ass doing a cannonball into the bathtub. All I care about is that he has somebody who loves him and who'll step up when it really counts, and that's what you did today.
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Charlie Harper : [wants custody of Jake if something happens to Judith and Alan] All right, Alan, let me ask you something: if I'm here, and Jake's in Rhode Island, who's gonna teach him all the things he needs to know?
Alan : Jerry and Faye are both college professors.
Charlie Harper : I'm talking about the important stuff. About life. Face it. When the time comes, are those two *eggheads* gonna step up and get your kid laid?
Alan : You're not helping your case, Charlie.