- Sledge Hammer: Doreau, that was excessively violent and completely unnecessary. I loved it. It was poetry in motion.
- Chief Reisner: By the way, sir, your home security guard is in critical condition.
- Mayor Jack Flambo: That poor man. He was like an employee to me.
- [talking to his gun]
- Sledge Hammer: You hear that? I'm off suspension. Looks like they can't keep a good man down.
- [beat]
- Sledge Hammer: Or me, either.
- Reporter: We're here at the scene of a liquor store robbery that was thwarted by the man beside me, Inspector Sledge Hammer. Inspector Hammer, tell us what happened.
- Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time, I drew my Magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, and some milk, and some of those little cocktail weinies.
- Reporter: Inspector Hammer, was what you did in that store absolutely necessary?
- Sledge Hammer: Oh, yes, I had no groceries at all.
- Captain Trunk: You couldn't resist it, could you, Hammer? You just couldn't resist blowing up a building on your way to work this morning, could you Hammer?
- Sledge Hammer: Look. The only way to fight criminals is to be, you know, wilder than they are!
- [makes whistling missile and explosion noise]
- Dori: Could we kill the lights, please?
- [Sledge happily reaches for his gun]
- Captain Trunk: Keep that gun in your holster, Hammer!
- Dori: Look at this. Mrs. Flambo supports every worthy charity in existence.
- Sledge Hammer: All except my favorite one.
- Dori: What's that?
- Sledge Hammer: Toy Guns For Tots.
- Francine Flambo: [while Francine and Sledge are in a standoff] Now drop the gun this instant. I know you would never shoot at a woman
- Sledge Hammer: [He shoots the gun out of her hand] Sorry, Francine. Call me a feminist.
- Captain Trunk: You sadistic, depraved, bloodthirsty, barbaric-!
- Sledge Hammer: Is that why you called me in here, to shower me with compliments?
- Captain Trunk: No!
- [Sledge crashes through the ceiling]
- Sledge Hammer: Surprise! Party's over, cupcakes.
- Weird Williard Luxley: And just who are you, man?
- Terrorist #3: Yeah, sucker! And why are you smiling?
- Sledge Hammer: Why? 'Cause I'm trigger happy, that's why!
- [Dori deduces that Francine and Luxley planned the kidnapping together. Francine frees her "tied" hands and aims a gun at Doreau]
- Francine Flambo: Congratulations. You see, I loathe my father, and now I'll escape from under his fascist thumb, with my lover, my comrades, and one million dollars.
- Dori: [deadpan] Perfect plan, Francine.
- Francine Flambo: And once we're away, I'll kill you myself.
- Dori: You'd kill me for a briefcase full of shredded paper?
- [She drops the briefcase with the "ransom" on the floor. One of the terrorists opens it]
- Terrorist #3: There's nothing but confetti in here!