- Audience McGee: Wait a minute, I don't know what the Hell's going on here, but I do know this: you're not Kevin Kline!
- Kevin Nealon posing as Kevin Kline: Ex... Excuse me sir, nobody interrupts Kevin Kline.
- Audience McGee: I don't believe this! He's one of those Saturday Night Live people, I don't know which one, but it's not Mr. Kevin Kline, that I can assure you.
- Weekend Update Anchor: President Clinton was seated next to actress Sharon Stone at a fundraiser dinner earlier this week. A secret service spokesman said the President himself gallantly offered to check under the table for any possible explosives.
- Hollywood Minute anchor: [On Weekend Update] LaToya Jackson. Latoya, out of all the Jacksons, how screwed up do you have to be, to be known as the 'crazy' one?
- Ray-Ray's mother: You better quit that Shmee talk, I ain't raisin' no bee-crazy boy, you hear me? You better forget about that bee or I'ma bee wackin' your bee-hind!
- Harley McDougall: There's a lot of reasons I did it. Drugs, no job, I grew up an orphan, I had a lot of laundry to do that night.