M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Strange Bedfellows (1983)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Quotes
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Maj. Charles Winchester : Gentlemen and Margaret, as a physician, I'm fully aware that pollen can cause certain allergic reactions which, in certain circumstances, can lead to snoring. However, in this case, that cannot be the case.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Why not?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Because I do not snore!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Charles, what is the big deal about admitting it?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : A lot of people snore.
Maj. Charles Winchester : A lot of people dribble soup on their chins and vote for Democrats.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : [Hawkeye and BJ rouse Charles from his snoring] Charles!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Oh, no, you don't. I am sick and tired of playing this game. Once and for all, I do not snore!
All : [the whole camp, standing outside] Oh, yes, you do!
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : We can hear you all the way over in postop!
Sgt. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Actually, I'm impressed. Even my schnoz couldn't honk that loud.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : You are giving our position away to the enemy!
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Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Charles! Those flowers are only gonna be blooming for a little while. When they're gone, your allergy will be gone. All we're asking is that you go somewhere else for a couple of nights, and let us get some sleep!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Me? Let's talk you. You're the ones with the problem. You go somewhere else! I'd be more than happy to suggest a place.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : We live here. We don't snore. And we're not going anywhere!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Probably the only three things we will ever have in common. Now, if you'll excuse me, this conversation is putting me to sleep.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : Good morning!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I wouldn't bring that up for a vote, if I were you.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Not unless you want to see a show of fists.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : [Hawkeye and BJ wake Charles with the sound of his own snoring] Wha-What is that infernal noise?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You mean this tape recording of you not snoring?
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : You fellas look like walking advertisements for rigor mortis. You feeling all right?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : If only I had the strength to drop dead.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : If you two would stop carousing all night, you might feel better in the morning.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : For your information, Margaret, we went to bed at 10:00 last night. And at 10:15, 10:30...
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : What are you talking about?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Charles snores! We would have gotten a better night's sleep at the front.