- Mac: [yelling outside an abortion clinic] Pro-choice is pro-death!
- Megan: Wow! Great rhetoric!
- Mac: Thank you.
- Megan: Hey, you're really hardcore, aren't you?
- Mac: Oh, well, you know. I mean, if you really want to see hardcore...
- [pulls out a paper and gives it to Megan]
- Megan: What's this?
- Mac: That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill.
- Megan: There's two already crossed out.
- Mac: Yeah, I know.
- Charlie Kelly: Today's a big day for me, Tommy.
- Tommy: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Well, today is probably the best chance I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl, so, uh... Look at me, look at me for a second, pal.
- [kneels]
- Charlie Kelly: Okay, do me a favor. If you're good today, I'm gonna buy you anything you want. Anything in the world, all right?
- [Tommy spits on Charlie]
- Charlie Kelly: Oh, my God! I will smash your face into a... into a jelly!
- Mac: I hate dead baby fetuses, you know why? Because they are dead and they shouldn't be. They should be alive, and they should be loved.
- Dee Reynolds: Did you have sex with her?
- Charlie Kelly: Yeah.
- Dee Reynolds: Well, did you use birth control?
- Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, Dee, we're from a Catholic school.
- Dee Reynolds: So, premarital sex is all right, but you're not allowed to use birth control?
- Charlie Kelly: Okay, now you're just twisting words around and getting cute.
- Dennis Reynolds: I think all these chicks are gay.
- Dee Reynolds: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay. I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.
- Tommy: You're ugly.
- Charlie Kelly: You're ugly.
- Tommy: You're ugly!
- Charlie Kelly: You are the one that's ugly!
- Dee Reynolds: Charlie, Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30? Are you almost 30 years old?
- Charlie Kelly: Yes.
- Tommy: You have to buy me a toy.
- Charlie Kelly: I don't have to buy you shit!
- Tommy: If you don't buy me anything, I'm gonna telly my mom you took me to a black people's hospital!
- Mac: [on abortion] It's nobody's choice! It should be left up to God!
- Dee Reynolds: Is he jo...? Is that...? Are you... joking?
- Mac: No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis? Book two, verse three: And he breatheth into the nostrils of Adam on the first day and it was good.
- Dee Reynolds: Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable.
- Dennis Reynolds: [to Mac] You're making an asshole out of yourself.
- Crack Whore: [at the free clinic] Hey pretty boy, whatcha here for?
- Dennis Reynolds: My friend's getting a... blood test.
- Crack Whore: Your boyfriend?
- Dennis Reynolds: No, he's not my... he's not my boyfriend.
- Crack Whore: He got AIDS?
- Dennis Reynolds: I don't... I don't think so.
- Crack Whore: Do you?
- Dennis Reynolds: No, I don't.
- Crack Whore: I'll blow you for 10 dollars.
- Tommy: What is this place?
- Charlie Kelly: Uh... this is a place where we're gonna see a special friend of mine.
- Tommy: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Because he's going to help us figure something very important out. It's gonna be good to know.
- Tommy: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Because I said so. No more questions, okay buddy?
- Tommy: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Stop saying "why".
- Tommy: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Stop it. I don't like this game.
- Tommy: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Is this a game? Are you taunting me with a game?
- Tommy: Why?
- Dee Reynolds: You're gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?
- Dennis Reynolds: I don't really have any convictions.
- Dee Reynolds: Well, I'm going to go, at least one pro-choice voice will be heard.
- Mac: One? There was, like, tons of those chicks at the last one.
- Dennis Reynolds: Which side had more?
- Dee Reynolds: Oh, which one do you think? I one that cares about protecting womens bodies or the one thats run by the religious right?
- Dennis Reynolds: Probably the side you're going to. I'm going to fight for the right to choose.
- Dee Reynolds: Charlie, what in the hell are you gonna do if this kid's yours?
- Charlie Kelly: Oh, I don't know, I'll probably, uh, kill myself.
- [last lines]
- Charlie Kelly: Jimmy Doyle?
- Jimmy Doyle: Yeah? Who are you?
- Charlie Kelly: Charlie Kelly.
- Jimmy Doyle: Yeah? Do I know you?
- Charlie Kelly: From high school.
- Jimmy Doyle: Oh, yeah. I didn't recognize you without all your acne.
- Charlie Kelly: [chuckles] All right, I need to talk to you about your kid.
- Jimmy Doyle: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Uh, let's see. Because your kid, Tommy, has serious emotional problems.
- Jimmy Doyle: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you're not there for him as a father.
- Jimmy Doyle: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: [short pause; double take] Are you kidding me? Is this your little game? Like father, like son?
- Jimmy Doyle: Why?
- Charlie Kelly: Is this what you're doing? Is this what you're doing to me?
- Jimmy Doyle: Why?