Stardust (2007)
Robert De Niro: Captain Shakespeare
Photos
Quotes
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[the pirates have just discovered Captain Shakespeare in drag]
Skinny Pirate : What's the problem?
Captain Shakespeare : It's my reputation.
Skinny Pirate : No. No. Don't be silly. Nonsense.
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Captain Shakespeare : Yvaine, I know what you are.
[Yvaine starts to glow]
Captain Shakespeare : Have no fear. No one on this vessel will harm you, but there are plenty who would. Your emotions give you away, Yvaine. You must learn to control them. You've been glowing more brightly every day and I think you know why.
Yvaine : Of course I know why I'm glowing. I'm a star. And what do stars do best?
Captain Shakespeare : Well, certainly not the waltz.
[Tristan approaches them to dance with Yvaine. When Tristan and Yvaine dance with each other, Yvaine begins to glow]
Captain Shakespeare : Now try.
Tristan : OK.
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Captain Shakespeare : I'm taking the girl to my cabin, and mark my words anyone who disturbs me for the next few hours will get the same treatment.
Skinny Pirate : What? You'll...
Captain Shakespeare : No, you idiot. I'll sling you over the side as well!
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Captain Shakespeare : And, Yvaine, I have some lovely dresses; take your pick.
Yvaine : [surprised] I'm fine.
Captain Shakespeare : [quietly] Honey... you're wearing a bathrobe.
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[Shakespeare and his men are selling collected lightning bolts to Ferdy, their fence]
Captain Shakespeare : So! Name your best price.
Ferdy the Fence : For 10,000 bolts?
Captain Shakespeare : 10,000 bolts of finest quality Grade A.
Ferdy the Fence : Yeah, but it's difficult to shift, isn't it? Difficult to store. If I get the revenue man in here sniffing around. Uhmmm... Best price: 150 Guineas.
Captain Shakespeare : [to his crew] Gentlemen, put the merchandise back on board and prepare to sail.
Ferdy the Fence : Whoa, whoa! Hold on. Hold on. One minute, Cuddles. 160? 160.
Captain Shakespeare : Seeing as I'm feeling particularly generous today, I'll settle for 200.
Ferdy the Fence : 200? Okay, you're having a laugh.
[Ferdy laughs]
Ferdy the Fence : Have you had your head in that? Has he been staying up where the air's too thin?
Captain Shakespeare : [darkly] You're being very rude.
Ferdy the Fence : Not any more.
Captain Shakespeare : 200.
Ferdy the Fence : 180.
Captain Shakespeare : 200.
Ferdy the Fence : That's not negotiation! I'm changing my number! 185.
Captain Shakespeare : Did I hear 200?
Ferdy the Fence : From you, you did. Yeah.
Captain Shakespeare : You said 200?
Ferdy the Fence : If I did, you're a ventriloquist. Okay, 195. Final offer.
Captain Shakespeare : 195 it is.
[they shake hands to seal the deal]
Captain Shakespeare : So, with sales tax, that's... let's see... 200.
Ferdy the Fence : [resignedly] Brilliant. Put it in the back.
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Captain Shakespeare : Reputations, you know. A lifetime to build, seconds to destroy.
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[Captain Shakespeare teaches and trains Tristan how to sword fight]
Captain Shakespeare : Touche.