- Helen: Are you hungry?
- [Charles nods]
- Helen: Well why don't you go into the kitchen and get yourself something to eat?
- [laughs]
- Helen: I sure know I wouldn't be hungry in my house.
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: I missed you last time cause it was dark and you so dark.
- [pulls out pistol]
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: But I promise you I ain't go'n' miss you out here in this good sunlight.
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: [imitating what bible says] Hold your peace, and let the Lord fight your battles. Hold your peace, and let the Lord fight your battles.
- [lifts up gun]
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: Hold your "piece" and let the Lord fight your battles.
- Helen: [after Charles refuses to sleep with her] Fine, it only would've lasted five minutes anyway.
- Charles: No, it only lasts five minutes with YOU.
- Helen: [Madea comes barging in with a gas can and an ax] Madea! What are you doing with that ax and that can of gasoline?
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: She
- [Brenda]
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: already looks like a Christmas tree so I'm gonna cut her down and light her.
- Helen: [after leaving Charles in the shower for 3 days] I think he has hypothermia but I don't really care.
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: I may be paralyzed but I'm drinking milk.
- [drops her breasts on Charles' head]
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: Step into the light, Carol Anne. Step into the light, Carol Anne!
- Brenda: Can we please talk alone?
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: You bout to be talking to the ambulance on your way to the hospital!
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: I missed you last time cause it was dark and you so dark.
- [pulls out pistol]
- Mable "Madea" Simmons: But I promise you I aint gon miss you out here in this good sunlight.