- Ingrid Formanek: Say this- "La tapar, ana Sahaffi".
- Robert Wiener: La tapar, ana Sahaffi.
- Ingrid Formanek: Pretty good.
- Robert Wiener: What does it mean?
- Ingrid Formanek: "Don't shoot, I'm a journalist".
- Richard Roth: Hi. Richard Roth. Don't call me 'Dick'.
- Robert Wiener: Robert Wiener. Don't call me 'Dick', either.
- Customs Inspector: 23 bottles of vodka?
- Robert Wiener: There was supposed to be 24. Shit!
- Customs Inspector: For personal use?
- Robert Wiener: Yeah.
- Customs Inspector: You are an alcoholic.
- Robert Wiener: You're a customs inspector. We all have our parts to play.
- Robert Wiener: (on the phone with room service) Could you send up a Pepsi, please?
- Ingrid Formanek: I'll take a Pepsi.
- Judy Parker: I'll have a Coke.
- Ingrid Formanek: Oh, there's no Coke in Baghdad. Bottling plant's in Dixie.
- [Judy, confused, looks at Ingrid]
- Ingrid Formanek: (whispering) Israel.
- Mark Biello: I'll take a Yoo-Hoo. (everyone looks at Mark.) It's a chocolate drink.
- Judy Parker: I didn't say anything.
- Robert Wiener: Make it seven Pepsis.
- Richard Roth: This was the biggest forest in the history of the world... dinosaurs. Then it all died, rotted, turned into oil, and now... we're here. It's basically we're fighting to see who gets to desecrate the cemetery. Who gets the oil. No wonder there always been so much bad blood, it's always been lousy Karma to be a grave robber.
- [first lines]
- [First lines spoken as characters in the film, preceded by title cards, archival movie dialog, and news announcements]
- Robert Wiener: Baghdad is me.
- Eason Jordan: You're supposed to be in Berlin.
- Robert Wiener: Fuck Berlin. The wall's down. Baghdad is me, Eason.
- Eason Jordan: You've never even been to Baghdad.
- Robert Wiener: Close enough. Jerusalem.
- Eason Jordan: I wouldn't bring up Jerusalem if I were you. It's not a point in your favor.
- Judy Parker: Goodbye, Richard. I think you're really smart.
- Richard Roth: Goodbye, Judy. I think I'm really smart, too.
- Ingrid Formanek: Come on, Wienerish. We're just the eyes. You put this shit up there, and people pull it down on their Sonys. I think I'm quoting you.
- Robert Wiener: No, I said "Zeniths".
- Ingrid Formanek: Hey. Hey. Cigars. Embassy man loves cigars, remember? You give embassy man cigars, he give you big access.
- Robert Wiener: Hangover?
- Ingrid Formanek: Brutal.
- Stu: You're nothing but a bunch of overpaid, bone-picking vultures.
- Robert Wiener: You're confusing us with CBS, pal. We're the under-paid vultures.
- Judy Parker: And he'll have a Yoo-Hoo. That's a chocolate drink.
- Mark Biello: I'll have a beer. It's a malt beverage.
- [first title cards]
- Title card: On January 16th, 1991, America and its allies went to war with Iraq. Six months earlier...
- [last lines]
- Robert Wiener: Your family?
- Naji Al-Hadithi: They're safe. Thank you. So you're leaving?
- Robert Wiener: Yeah. It's time for me to go.
- Naji Al-Hadithi: And we have become friends.
- Robert Wiener: Yeah. You kept your word. And you've been fair. I can't ask for more than that from a friend.
- Naji Al-Hadithi: And you got your story.
- Robert Wiener: I know. Not the one I wnated.
- Naji Al-Hadithi: Isn't it?
- [pause]
- Naji Al-Hadithi: I will see you when this war is over.
- [last title cards before credits]
- Title card: Robert Wiener returned home on January 23rd, 1991. Naji Sabri Al-Hadithi is now the Foreign Minister of Iraq and Saddam Hussein remains President of Iraq.
- [last title card, after credits, added after initial broadcast]
- Title card: While the allegations of Iraqi soldiers taking babies from incubators were widely circulated during the run-up to the Gulf War - the time frame of the drama of our film-, these allegations would later prove to be untrue.
- Robert Wiener: [after finding a wire installed in the hotel room] Ladies and gentleman, THE ROLLING STONES!
- Robert Wiener: Okay, Fuck! Everybody non-essential get down to that bomb shelter, right now... Myself included.