The Mask (1994)
Peter Riegert: Lt. Mitch Kellaway
Photos
Quotes
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Doyle : [frisking the Mask] Really big sunglasses.
Park Policeman : Bike horn.
Doyle : Small mouth bass.
Park Policeman : Bowling pin.
Doyle : [Yells in pain] Mouse trap.
Park Policeman : Rubber chicken.
Mask : A little to the left... that's it.
Doyle : [squeezes a stress releaver toy a few times] Mmmm, I don't know. Funny eyeball glasses?
Mask : I've never seen those before in my life.
Park Policeman : Bazooka?
Mask : I have a permit for that.
Doyle : [going through The Mask's pocket] Picture of Kellaway's wife.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [shocked] What?
Mask : [mockingly] Uh-oh.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [sees a photo of his wife in a sexy nightgown with the words 'Call Me Lover! 555-9371' written on it] Margaret! You son of a bitch!
[He tries to punch the Mask, but the Mask easily dodges him]
Mask : Geez, I figured you had a sense of humor. After all - you married her!
[slaps both Kellaway and Doyle in the face repeatedly]
Mask : That's gotta hurt.
[makes a silly face and runs off]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Get him!
[looks down to see his and Doyle's wrists are handcuffed to each other]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Doyle!
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Ipkiss! Police! Freeze!
[the Mask freezes in mid-air]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Put your hands up.
The Mask : [his teeth are frozen together] But you told me to freeze!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : All right, all right. Un-freeze.
[the Mask un-freezes and falls to the ground]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : You're under arrest.
[pulls out his cuffs]
The Mask : No! It wasn't me! It was the One-Armed Man!
[regular voice]
The Mask : All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad! GLAD, I TELL YA!
[gets down on his knees and puts his hands up together]
The Mask : What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [puts the cuffs on The Mask's wrists] Sorry, son. That's not my department. Search him.
The Mask : [the cops bring The Mask to his feet] Ow! Where's a cam-corder when you need one?
[snorts in laughter, Kellaway nods as if to say "touché"]
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Somebody STOLE your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss : [seeing Milo jump at the closet door where the stolen money is] Milo, no! I mean, uh, what is this world coming to when a man's... *pajama drawer* is no longer safe?
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Ipkiss? Stanley Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss : Yes?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Lt. Kellaway, city precinct. You know anything about the disturbance last night?
Stanley Ipkiss : Dis... turbance?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Yeah, some kind of prowler broke in and attacked Mrs. Peenman.
Stanley Ipkiss : Attacked?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : You didn't hear anything? She unloaded a couple of rounds of buckshot 5 feet from your door.
[Stanley sees Mrs. Peenman complaining about big hole in floor]
Stanley Ipkiss : This is... impossible.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Those pajamas are impossible. This actually happened.
Stanley Ipkiss : See, I have an inner ear problem. Sometimes I can't hear anything.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Is that a fact?
Stanley Ipkiss : Eh?
[laughs]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Here's my card. If you remember anything unusual about last night, anything at all, call me.
Stanley Ipkiss : You betcha. Thank you. And good luck... cracking the case.
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Mayor Mitchell Tilton : I want to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Yes, your honor.
Doyle : That doesn't sound good at all.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [Sarcastically] No, it doesn't sound good. What would sound good to you?
Doyle : Breakfast!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : SHUT UP!
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Peggy Brandt : I'm with the Evening Star. Can you tell me what happened here?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : No, and you can quote me.
Peggy Brandt : Well, it looks like some sort of Mob tactic.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : There it is, boys, she broke the case. Come on, get these rubbernecks out of here.
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Stanley Ipkiss : [opens the door] Hi, Lieutenant. This isn't a good time right now, so...
[Kellaway enters]
Stanley Ipkiss : Won't you come in?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Where were you last night, Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss : Here, mostly. Is something wrong?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : What do you know about this Mask character?
Stanley Ipkiss : [chuckles] Mask?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Don't insult my intelligence, Ipkiss. He robs the bank you work in and then I find this in the Coco Bongo.
[shows Stanley a piece of his pajamas]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : There can't be 2 idiots with pajamas like these.
[Milo is trying to open the door to the closet where the money is stashed away]
Stanley Ipkiss : Milo, no!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : May I see those pajamas, Mr. Ipkiss?
Stanley Ipkiss : Those, uh, those pajamas were, uh... stolen.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Somebody stole your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss : [grabs Milo] Yeah. I mean, what is the city coming to when a man's pajama drawer is no longer safe?
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Drop it, Tyrell!
Dorian Tyrell : Hey, Kellaway!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Drop it!
Dorian Tyrell : A'right.
[drops gun]
Dorian Tyrell : So, you got a warrant this time? Or'd you just stop by for a nightcap?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : What I got is probable cause. A couple of your boys was spotted knocking over Edge City Bank.
Dorian Tyrell : [to Doyle] Easy, junior, you're giving me a Woody.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : And one of 'em was wearing a big green mask.
Dorian Tyrell : You know, for once, Kellaway, you're right. Except it wasn't one of my boys. Maybe if you tried a little actual police work...
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [to policemen] Cuff 'em.
Police Officer : Hey, lieutenant, we got a stiff upstairs. It's one of the guys from the heist.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Better call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Tyrell. You and I are going downtown for a little chat. Get him out of here!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [Spots a piece of Stanley's pajamas on floor] Ipkiss!
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The Mask : And now, like Napoleon, I will divide and conquer.
[about to kiss Tina]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Ipkiss! Police!
The Mask : Merde.
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[Kellaway and Doyle climb over the park wall, to find the Mask leading a big dance number; Doyle tries to join in]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [Grabbing Doyle by the arm] Start dancing, and I'll blow your brains out!
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Doyle : I missed 'em.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : C'mon... we all missed 'em.
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [Stanley has taken Kellaway hostage and is driving frantically to the Charity Ball to stop Dorian] Let me out of these cuffs, Ipkiss! You're driving like a maniac!
Stanley Ipkiss : [agitated] I'm sorry! We're already late for the ball!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [cynically] Right. Alice and the White Rabbit are gonna be REALLY disappointed.
Stanley Ipkiss : [annoyed] Now you're being cynical.
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [On Stanley's mismatched pajamas] There can't be two idiots with pajamas like these.
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Doyle : You got any pickle relish?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Doyle, get in the car.
Doyle : But I ordered onion rings.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : Doyle!
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[Repeated line]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : [Sternly] *Doyle*
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Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway : I still can't believe it. Hardened cops dancing in the street, and broadcast all over the eleven o'clock news!
Doyle : The SWAT team got an offer to open in Vegas.