- Ashby: [sings country-style with guitar] She was a young thing in the prime of her life, Standing there lookin' as cute as could be. So I walked on over and asked her her name - I'm still not believin' what she said to me... "I don't f*** fossils for free, old man. I don't f*** fossils for free. So just go on home and take matters in hand, 'Cause I don't f*** fossils for free."
- Scotty Palmer: I didn't pick them up. I dialogued them.
- Hunter: Dialogued them?
- Scotty Palmer: Yeah, I gave them a little dose of the old BBD.
- Hunter: BBD?
- Rounder: That's not like herpes, is it?
- Scotty Palmer: BBD - it's the bigger and better deal.
- Scotty Palmer: You guys fags?
- Hunter: Yeah. I'm the Queen of France and these guys are the D'Angelo sisters... Scotty, we're perfectly straight, man. That's the problem. We're too straight. All we're interested in are hardbodies and we want you to teach us how to get them.
- Rounder: To dialog them.
- Ashby: And BBD them.
- Ashby: Yeah, well, I've seen more than one old bull blow out his balls and his brains at the same time.
- Candy: You don't know what it's like Scotty, when people call you names like... airhead... dingaling... bimbo... yo-yo. There's no way you can know that Scotty.
- Scotty Palmer: Rounder, you get an "A" for enthusiasm, but an "F" for technique.
- Hunter: How about a "J" for jerkoff?
- Ashby: Hey, son, I'd as soon have an inch cut off my dick than get my hair cut here.
- Hair Stylist: Whatever turns you on, Tex.
- Scotty Palmer: Hey, you know that thing is like a magnet for hardbodies.
- Rounder: Hardbodies?
- Hunter: What's a hardbody?
- Scotty Palmer: Hardbodies - you know, little foxes down on the beach.
- Scotty Palmer: I think its time I took you guys to the ultimate place for meeting women. A hidden valley of hardbodies. And the only thing you need know to gain entry is the secret passwords: Let's go shopping.
- Scotty Palmer: Hey, look, they might be old, ugly and horny; but, actually they're very nice guys.
- Kimberly: Hard up for hard ons.
- Rag: There's a lot of that going around.
- Kristi: The best is yet to come.
- Scotty Palmer: Slow this thing down a little bit. I'm starting to get seasick.
- Kristi: Now, Scotty, get ready - for - the big - bang.
- Vixen - Lead Vocals: [singing] He's got the bug, yeah, yeah, Computer madness, He'll pull the plug, Computer madness, He'll pull the plug, Computer madness, He'll pull the plug, Computer madness, Computer madness, Computer madness.
- [last lines]
- Kristi: Do yourself a favor, drop the dialog. Your bigger and better deal is staring you right in the face.