Cheers (1982–1993)
Rhea Perlman: Carla Tortelli, Carla LeBec, Annette Lozupone, Self
Photos
Quotes
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Lilith : Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had.
Carla : Like a body temperature?
Lilith : That's very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint.
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Lilith : Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.
Rebecca : Are you going to get your hair done for that?
Lilith : Why on earth should I?
Carla : Well, at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean, if that baby goes, we're all dead.
Lilith : That hardly seems just coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.
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Norm : Boy, I envy Sammy and his carefree lifestyle.
Carla : Yeah.
Norm : Night after night, he dates pretty girls, while I sit here and wrestle with the world's problems.
Carla : You do not.
Norm : What do you mean? Last night I let out a moan at the thought of nuclear war.
Carla : It wasn't 'cuz of nuclear war, it's cuz we ran out of beer nuts.
Norm : It was a combination of the two.
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[Carla has recieved a bouquet of flowers]
Sam : Who's your secret admirer?
[Carla beckons for Sam to come closer, which he does]
Carla : None of your damn business!
Coach : What'd she say?
Sam : "None of your damn business."
Coach : [angry] Well, excuse me for living! How would you like it if I said that to you when you asked me to teach you how to throw a knuckleball?
Sam : You DID, Coach.
Coach : Oh, then we're even.
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[the bar holds a drawing to decide the night's designated driver]
Carla : And the lucky loser is... Norm Peterson.
Norm : Great, the first time I enter this thing and you can't pick...
[Norm pulls another slip from the hat]
Norm : Norm Peterson or...
[Norm pulls another slip from the hat]
Norm : Norm Peterson or...
[Norm pulls another slip from the hat]
Norm : Norm Peterson or...
[Norm pulls another slip from the hat]
Norm : Oh, Frasier Crane. At least somebody was honest.
Frasier : I beg your pardon. I wrote "Norm Peterson".
[Norm looks at the slip again]
Norm : You're right. I wrote that.
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Carla : [to Sam after he complains about the difficulty of doing a Catholic penance] "It's not a religion for wusses."
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Esther Clavin : The last thing I want to see is my son's face on the 11 o'clock news.
Carla : There's an entire city that agrees with you.
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Carla : I have five kids.
Dr. Bennett Ludlow : Five?
Carla : Well, five and counting. You're gonna be a father.
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[the bar is littered with ingredients as Diane is trying to make a Bloody Mary]
Diane : Lot of ingredients in a Bloody Mary, Sam.
Sam : Yeah, I know. That's why we usually mix up 5 gallons and put it in the refrigerator beforehand. How come doing this, Carla? Why'd you let her do it?
Carla : I wanted to see her try and make vodka.
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[Diane continues to waffle on whether or not to leave Cheers]
Carla : [exasperated] I've had WARTS that went away faster.
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[Sam and Diane are fighting... yet again]
Carla : Oh, now why would I want to miss this? Yet another episode of "The Young and the Chestless"?
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Rebecca : I was told by my boss to come up with something for the retirement party so I got this left over seafood platter from Melville's.
Carla : Leftover seafood? Isn't that kind of cheap?
Rebecca : What should I have done? Strip naked and dance on the tables to "Funky Cold Medina"?
Sam : We could help you rehearse.
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Lilith : No, you don't understand. Usually, we don't get attached to the rats, but this one was so special. We even named him. Everyone in the lab called him Whitey.
Carla : Are you sure they weren't talking to you?
Lilith : No, Carla, they were talking about Whitey the rat.
Carla : Okay, I'll ask again. Are you sure they weren't talking to you?
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[Nash punches out Woody in a fight, then Kelly shows up]
Kelly Gaines : I came here to stop the fight.
Carla : Fight? I've had sneezes that lasted longer.
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Carla : If you can't say anything nice, say it about Diane.