- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: What are you, an orthodox coward?
- Edgar Hopper: No, Lenny. I just believe in passive resistance.
- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: Oh, a Mahatma Hopper, I presume?
- Edgar Hopper: No, as a matter of fact, Gandhi and I both got it from this guy - Henry Thoreau.
- Mrs. Foster: Louisa, you turned out real beautiful. You have something to sell. Take a mother's advice. Sell it now.
- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: Oh, by the way. You better let your mom know that the payment's due on her refrigerator. Don't let her get the idea that 'cause we're getting married, I'm gonna let her off the hook.
- Louisa May Foster: You know the indifference I felt?
- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: Hmmm?
- Louisa May Foster: Well, it's beginning to change. It's beginning to blossom into complete contempt.
- Edgar Hopper: [Speaking through a megaphone] Folks, don't crawl to Crawley. Hop, hop, hop to Hoppers.
- Louisa May Foster: Edgar had left me approximately 2 million dollars in cash and securities. And as Thoreau probably never said, that's a lotta lettuce.
- Louisa May Foster: Dr. Svenson, do you think I'm crazy too?
- Dr. Victor Stephanson: The, the name is Stephanson, Victor Stephanson. And, uh, we never use that word around here.
- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: By the way, she couldn't be your real mother. She must've been left on your front doorstep one stormy night, in a cage.
- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: [Eying Edgar Hopper down the street] Hmm. I wonder how many days I'd get for manslaughter.
- Driscoll: In Crawleyville, they wouldn't even fine you, sir.
- Louisa May Foster: [Having swum out to Edgar in his fishing boat] Imagine finding you here. I just happened to be swimming by.
- Edgar Hopper: Well, you scared the fish away.
- Louisa May Foster: You could pull me in.
- Edgar Hopper: Oh, Louisa. I'll make you happy. I'll never work hard. I'll never make good, I swear it.
- Louisa May Foster: What's the matter, darling?
- Edgar Hopper: Oh, nothing. I, I think I'll go down to the store for a little while this afternoon.
- Louisa May Foster: But you were there just 10 days ago.
- Edgar Hopper: You know, it's the end of summer. People come from vacation. Somebody might want something.
- Louisa May Foster: Darling, I checked the hotels in Rome and I have the reservations for our vacation.
- Edgar Hopper: I'm sorry, honey - that'll have to wait 'til next year.
- Louisa May Foster: Next year?
- Edgar Hopper: Yes, next year. In the meantime, get yourself a couple of art books and a box of spaghetti.
- Larry Flint: [Spread out on the front seat of a cab Louisa has just entered in the back] I ain't got all day, lady. Where do you wanna go?
- Louisa May Foster: Oh, you speak English.
- Larry Flint: All of us foreigners do. It's compulsory.
- Louisa May Foster: You American?
- Larry Flint: Naw. Naw, lady. I'm a Russian spy for the C.I.A.
- Larry Flint: Money corrupts. Art erupts.
- Louisa May Foster: Oh, that's a beautiful saying.
- Larry Flint: It's immortal. I just made it up.
- Louisa May Foster: What Larry Flint had left over in cash, plus the sale of his remaining pictures, brought me in the neighborhood of $4 million in American money. It was an amount even Picasso wouldn't be ashamed of.
- Nicky Cathcart: I do hope the two of you can come down to us for a shoot.
- Louisa May Foster: Mmm. Love to. We always get a bang out of a shoot.
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: I'm reminding you to remind me to tell you that I love you.
- Louisa May Foster: Thank you for reminding me. I'm reminding you that you said to remind me to tell me that you love me.
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: Thank you for reminding me.
- Louisa May Foster: Thank you.
- Louisa May Foster: Are you faced with ruin?
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: I am three times as rich as I was the day we got married.
- Louisa May Foster: Oh, no.
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: I'll go feed Melissa and you milk the chickens, huh?
- Louisa May Foster: Can't it wait 'til tomorrow?
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: That shows how much you know about farmin'. You don't milk her now, she'll be woo mooin' all night long.
- [sic]
- Louisa May Foster: Rod had sold out everything so quickly that his fortune was pitifully reduced. It came to a mere $150 million.
- Awards Ceremony Guest: Tonight, in "Flaming Lips," Pinky Benson proved that a comedy can run five and a half hours. Earlier today, Pinky told us his next film will run seven and a half hours.
- Movie executive: This picture is a cinch to do 50 million at the box office.
- Pinky Benson: Yeah, too bad I only get half of that.
- Second movie executive: And the studio wants you to co-star with Frank, Marlon and Cary in a remake of "The Four Horsemen."
- Third movie executive: Well?
- Pinky Benson: Why should I carry those deadweights? I'll play all four.
- Pinky Benson: I can't let 'em down. After all, I'm the stuff their dreams are made of. I belong to them.
- Hollywood Lawyer: You get all of the money - all of it. But there's one catch.
- [Reading from Pinky's will]
- Hollywood Lawyer: "And so, I order to be built, the Pinky Benson Memorial Museum, dedicated to my fans... and within it will be preserved all my dancing shoes dipped in bronze... and a great gold replica of my larynx. A permanent pink light will beam before my statute. And in the 15,000-seat auditorium, my pictures will run 24 hours a day. Everything else I bequeath to my wife, Louisa May Benson."
- Louisa May Foster: Oh, I was left with another $30 million and I flew right down to Washington, and that brings us up to date.
- Edgar Hopper: [Gesturing from his simple cabin to the town] Louisa, you mean you'd take this instead of all that? But, Louisa, I've got nothing. I'll... I'll always have nothing. I'll always be nothing.
- Louisa May Foster: Edgar, that's what I want - nothing. To quote me and not Thoreau, I love you.
- Edgar Hopper: What's that camera for?
- Leonard 'Lennie' Crawley: I'm doing a documentary on slum conditions in Crawleyville.
- Louisa May Foster: Edgar, it's Christmas.
- Edgar Hopper: Yes, and Christmas is business - big business.
- Edgar Hopper: [Reading out loud as he types on a typewriter] Our musical mop, which plays "Let Me Call You Sweetheart, I'm in Love with you," is a marketing failure. Get something happy like "Stars and Stripes Forever" to guarantee musical mop-up.
- Larry Flint: See, the sound, the sonic vibrations, they go in there. And then, that gets transmitted to that photo-electric cell, which gives those dynamic impulses to the brushes and the arms, and it's fusion of the mechanized world and a human soul.
- Larry Flint: I didn't leave it at the butcher's. I was there showing it to him, and there was this customer there buying pig's knuckles. So, um, he looks at the picture and then he puts on his glasses and he gives me his card... and he gives me 40,000 francs. That's almost $200.
- Woman at art show: If only Beethoven were alive to just hear this painting.
- Larry Flint: Ah, yes. Pauvre Ludwig. I think he'd be very pleased.
- Louisa May Foster: Well, a tycoon's work is never finished, is it? That's what you call yourself, isn't it? A tycoon?
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: Absolutely! Absolutely! Every morning I get up and look at myself in the mirror, and I say, "Good morning, tycoon!"
- Rod Anderson, Jr.: Nobody triples the business of Anderson Enterprises but Rod Anderson. Someone has been giving orders... somewhere. Somebody in my organization. Why, that's absolute treachery. Somebody's been giving orders behind my back. Imagine that! If I wanna lose a fortune, I'll lose a fortune. If I wanna triple it, I'll triple it - no one else. I'm gonna get to every one of my offices all over the world, and I'm gonna find out who's been running things behind my back. Triple it? How could he possibly triple it? Who can the guy be? You spend years training employees - executives, to serve you faithfully, and they stab you behind the back. That's loyalty for you.