- Dr. Schultz: I see... and what is it you're looking for, Mr. Schlipkohl?
- Schlapkohl: Schlapkohl. Usherettes! To show the customers to their seats. They wear gorgeous uniforms, I designed them myself. A big hussar's hat, a little cloak, and pants with...
- Dr. Schultz: Pants?
- Schlapkohl: ...with stripes. Very effective.
- Dr. Schultz: I dare say. The, uh, the pants, I mean, they're not too tight?
- Schlapkohl: That depends entirely on the girls, the pants are all the same size.
- Dr. Schultz: Would you like to be an usherette, Luisa?
- Luisa: Oh, yes, ma'am.
- Dr. Schultz: Do you know what an usherette is?
- Luisa: N-n-no, ma'am.
- Luisa: [In an energetic telling of a fairy tale for the other orphans] Wampa wampa, Wumpa wumpa, Eenie meenie minie mo; Sweet and faithful Rosalinda, Take me where I want to go.
- Konrad: How's the lobster soup?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Terrible, sir.
- Konrad: What?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: If there's one thing our chef can't make, it's lobster soup.
- Konrad: Well, how's the filet of sole?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Filet of sole, sir?
- Konrad: Yes, yes!
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Vile, sir.
- Konrad: Vile?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: I couldn't' recommend it. We're so far from the channel, you know sir, it has to be packed in ice. I suspect that the ice gave out about half way, sir.
- Konrad: You don't mean?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Uhm...
- [Gestures holding his nose]
- Konrad: It's terrible?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Unfortunately, sir.
- Konrad: Well, is there anything the matter with the... lamb?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Very leathery, sir.
- Konrad: What is leathery? How can lamb be leathery?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: I suspect it's goat, sir.
- Konrad: Goat! This is ridiculous!
- Konrad: What does he do?
- Luisa: Oh, my husband?
- Konrad: Oh, well we're right back where we started. Certainly, your husband. What does he do?
- Luisa: I never asked him.
- Konrad: Oh, you never asked him. What does he do? I never asked him. When I say what does he do, I mean is he a butcher, a horse doctor, a dentist, or an undertaker, or what?
- Luisa: What would you like him to be?
- Konrad: What would I like him to be? Uh, whatever I'd like him to be, I mean, he would just be?
- Luisa: He's very willing.
- Konrad: Yes, well that always sounds bad. I suppose he'd be a deep-sea diver or something. That would give me a lot of trouble. Why couldn't you have married a lawyer or something?
- Luisa: A lawyer? He is a lawyer.
- Konrad: Well why didn't you say that in the first place?
- Luisa: I was afraid maybe you didn't need one.
- Konrad: What's his name?
- Luisa: Oh, do you have to know his name?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: What's your name?
- Luisa: Luisa Ginglebusher.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Ginglebusher? Baron so and so, shake hands with, with Miss Ginglebusher? Never!
- Luisa: Well, wh..
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Don't mention your name to anybody. Just be aristocratic.
- Luisa: I'll try.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: [Standing and taking off his shoes] And now, I'm going to give you a dancing lesson.
- Luisa: Can you dance?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: I've been watching it long enough to know the gist.
- Luisa: Oh, no, I've never been anywhere.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Really?
- Luisa: Except to the asylum.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Huh?
- Luisa: Where I came from.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: [as he slowly takes a dinner knife from Luisa that she's been fiddling with] Ohhh. The asylum huh? Have you been out long?
- Luisa: Just this morning.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Just this morning? And how does it feel to be out?
- Luisa: Oh, wonderful.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: It must be, uh, uh, cured of course?
- Luisa: Huh?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: I mean, you didn't run away or anything?
- Luisa: Oh, no, I didn't run away. Some of the girls run away sometimes. They always bring them back.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Good.
- Luisa: Well, I, I don't blame 'em much for running away. It isn't as much fun as you think being an orphan.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Orphan asylum?
- Luisa: Why, naturally.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: [Looking very relieved] I'm glad to hear it.
- Luisa: [Hugging Dr. Schultz and sobbing] Oh, goodbye, Dr. Schultz.
- Dr. Schultz: Oh, be brave, Luisa. The time has come for you to try your wings.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Say, would you like some beer and sandwiches?
- Luisa: [Having dodged an aggressive Romeo, Caesar Romero] Oh, yes, with a face like yours.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: What's the matter with my face?
- Luisa: I like it.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Come on, then. I know a place with music.
- Luisa: Oh, I love music.
- Luisa: [Directing seating as an usherette, with her pointing arrow] Uh, you're supposed to go this way.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: That way?
- Luisa: Yes, sir
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Why?
- Luisa: Why?
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Yes, why?
- Luisa: Well, I, I, don't know, sir.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Then why do you do it?
- Luisa: Well, it's orders.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: You trying to give me orders?
- Luisa: Oh, no, sir
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Because I don't like being given orders. I take orders all day in the restaurant, and when it comes night time, I like to be free. Like the birds. Remember that.
- Luisa: Yes, sir.
- Schlapkohl: She wouldn't flirt with the customers?
- Dr. Schultz: She wouldn't know what it means. Why, I hardly know myself.
- Konrad: Yes, certainly, his name.
- Luisa: Do you have to know his name?
- Konrad: Do I have to know his name? Luisa, really, sometimes, after all, you're a lit... -- do I have to know is name?
- Luisa: Oh, heh, his name.
- Konrad: Yes, certainly, his name. After all, it isn't as if I
- [They are interrupted when a tipsy Dr. Metz bursts into room, followed by Detlaff]
- Luisa: Are you a minister too?
- Konrad: Well, no, not exactly, although people often take me for one. I'm, I'm in the meat business.
- Luisa: Oh.
- Konrad: Uh, strictly wholesale, of course.
- Luisa: Eh, heh, you don't look like a butcher.
- Konrad: A butcher? Who me? I, wh.., I, I'm in, uh importer and exporter.
- Luisa: But of meat?
- Konrad: Well, why not? Uh, heh, heh, are you a vegetarian or something?
- Luisa: Oh, no, no, I, uh, meat is very nice.
- Konrad: Heh, you darn tootin' it is.
- Luisa: Oh, Detlaff, I'm so grateful to you. This has been the most wonderful evening in my whole life.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Not for me, it hasn't. I've never spent such an evening. This is positively the last time that I play nursemaid. If I ever do anything like this again you can call me a dish washer.
- Luisa: Look! Somewhere out there... Just think, somewhere out there in the night - maybe one of those twinkling lights, maybe one of those dark windows, is little Maxie, sleeping gently.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Little who?
- Luisa: He's worried about his rent, or how he's going to eat tomorrow, or something like that. And he doesn't know, Detlaff - just think, he doesn't know.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Doesn't know what?
- Luisa: That I'm watching over him while he sleeps. That I'm' taking care of him. That I'm his good fairy.
- Luisa: Well, I mean, I suppose everybody really wants to do something for somebody naturally, because it makes you feel good, and all happy in your heart, and... well, I suppose everybody naturally wants to feel that way, don't you think?
- Dr. Sporum: I believe one could say that with safety.
- Luisa: Even if he doesn't like me anymore, he's got to keep his pencil sharpener, Detlaff.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: Who thinks what? What do you mean, his pencil sharpener? The trouble with you is you've been drinking again.
- Luisa: Don't be silly. If you start off to be a good fairy you can't stop right in the middle.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: In the middle of what? Where does the pencil sharpener come in? You ought to go back in the asylum.
- Luisa: [Talking about Max buying a car] All right then, it's gotta be pink.
- Dr. Sporum: Pink?
- Luisa: Of course it has. You can't take that beard around with a black car. Why, you'll frighten the children.
- Dr. Sporum: You oughta be spanked.
- Dr. Sporum: You are the good fairy. You flew into my life and changed everything.
- Luisa: No, you're the good fairy who changed my life.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: No, no, no! As a matter of fact, I'm entirely responsible.
- Konrad: If you say it was you, I'll punch you right in the eye. If there's any good fairy around here, it's me.
- Detlaff, the Waiter: [Meeting Luisa when she leaves the theatre employee entrance] I thought I'd better just keep an eye on you. Where'd you get that fur?
- Luisa: I don't want an eye kept on me.
- Luisa: Oh, my name is Luisa.
- Dr. Sporum: Luisa?
- Luisa: Ginglebusher.
- Dr. Sporum: Gingle what?
- Luisa: Busher.
- Dr. Sporum: Oh, yes, and you need to see me about...
- Luisa: No, I just wanted to see what you look like.
- Dr. Sporum: Uh huh. And how do I look?
- Luisa: [Smiling] Terrible, heh, heh
- Dr. Sporum: Really?
- Luisa: You look just the way Ginglebusher sounds.
- Dr. Sporum: Oh, then I can't look so terrible. Will you sit down?
- Dr. Sporum: But if I had a name like Ginglebusher, I should certainly use no other.
- Luisa: If I had a beard like that... I certainly wouldn't make fun of Ginglebusher.
- Dr. Sporum: That, I think , concludes the legal business.
- Konrad: [after Max mentions a specific court case] I always wanted to congratulate you on winning it.
- Dr. Sporum: But I lost it.
- Konrad: Oh, you, uh, uh, of course, that's it... . but so cleverly. So very cleverly, doctor. Sometimes it's better to lose a case cleverly than to win it stupidly. That's what we admired.
- Dr. Sporum: Did you know there's an ice box that actually makes it's own ice?
- Luisa: Noooo!
- Dr. Sporum: And with gas.
- Luisa: I don't believe it.
- Dr. Sporum: I didn't either, but I read about it and I might even buy one.
- Dr. Sporum: Mink coats and diamond bracelets - what's he take me for? I'm gong to buy a pencil sharpener... with a handle, and different size holes, at last.
- Luisa: And I certainly wouldn't wear a beard either.
- Dr. Sporum: What?
- Luisa: Well, I wouldn't.
- Dr. Sporum: Oh, you wouldn't?
- Luisa: I know it isn't any of my business, but if I didn't have anything to hide, I certainly wouldn't wear a beard.
- Luisa: [In an energetic telling of a fairy tale for the other orphans] Wampa wampa, Wumpa wumpa, Eenie meenie minie mo; Sweet and faithful Rosalinda, Take me where I want to go.